LEAKED! Top 10 Candidates for Walmart CEO Job

Walmart’s ruling family, the Waltons, owns a majority of shares and keeps a tight rein on the company – which churns out more than 8 million dollars in dividends for them every single day.

Current CEO Mike Duke recently announced plans for retirement and the Waltons have launched a search for a new CEO. They’re looking for someone with the right stuff to grow their unparalleled wealth to new heights (they already have more than 42% of American families combined!).

The Walmart 1% has obtained the following list of top candidates, along with notes from Walmart Chairman Rob Walton. [1]

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Walmart CEO Candidate: Cersei Lannisterscrooge-CEOEdward-Scissorhands-CEOHAL-2001-CEOtwo-face-CEOjaws-CEOCAND-2

[1] (Confidential to Walmart’s lawyers: This is a joke.)